Soul searching

I've done a lot of soul searching in the last year, especially over the winter while being indoors a lot more. I've talked poor hubby to death about what we ultimately want to do in life and how to get there. Thankfully, we do agree on a lot of things but not always how to get there.

The older (and sicker) I've got, I've realised just how much I hate modern Western society. I simply don't fit into it anymore. Not that I'm too sad by that. Over the last decade my life has changed so dramatically starting with the loss of my health and quickly followed by loss of career then my marriage (that turned out to be a blessing in disguise for all concerned).

I remarried nearly 5 years ago and it's been wonderful. I've found someone who truly shares my values and we have found a big overlap in our ambitions as well. It turns out that these are things that are vital to a successful marriage but what do you know when you're in your 20s! Also, my priorities in life have changed a LOT since my 20s. I'm not the same person. I'd like to think I'm a better person but it's always a work in progress.

Sunset in the South of France, just before the bats came out.

Back to modern society, it simply doesn't have a place for me any more. I'm not in the rat race career wise as I was medically retired (against my wishes) about 10 years ago. However, I'm still stuck with the rat race indirectly through hubby. As I'm not well enough to work it is his sole responsibility to work and earn an income. We are still stuck, for now.

I have always to some extent hated the consumerism and materialism of our society. It became my norm when with my ex as he's fully into it, whereas I've always been a natural saver. When I became a single parent it probably wasn't as hard for me to penny pinch as I have that tendency anyway. I still had a lot to learn though, and despite our expenses being very tightly controlled there is still a lot more we could do. That's could, not should! (I'm trying to ban the word 'should') It's simply about priorities.

Over the years I have noticed that our society is completely geared towards wasting money and going into debt over it. Apart from my mortgage debts and a student loan that was paid off nearly 20 years ago I've only ever been in debt through my divorce. Those things will cripple you folks! Since then, I've clawed my way back, even without being able to work in an employed sense, mainly by avoiding spending money. Just because it's reduced, doesn't mean you need it!

So we are stuck in a rat race trying to earn enough to satisfy our societal urges to spend on stuff we don't need, and often don't even want! I mean, how ridiculous!

What I crave now can't be bought with money. I want simplicity, wholesome fun, to be surrounded by nature and trees. I luurve trees by the way! I can't breathe (literally) when stuck in a concrete jungle commonly known as a city. Most of all, I want to share it all with hubby.

The coastline of West Wales

Hubby and I long to retire to the countryside of France, or West Wales if my health causes too much problem abroad. I like having a plan B for days when I struggle to see France actually happening for us, especially with the uncertainties of Brexit. But I'm not going to get into politics.

I have a need to be surrounded by trees and countryside but hubby, on the other hand, is a sailor and needs to be near to the sea. Parts of France simply can't accommodate both of these dreams so we've been focusing on exploring the areas inland but in an hours drive of the sea. We go to France each year and 'test' out a new area. We drive around lots to get a feel for how accessible places are to each other in the hope of finding that sweet spot.

A short drive from our current house on the outskirts of the city, SE Wales

Our plan B in West Wales is, in fact, much easier as there are beautiful countryside and woodlands in West Wales and you are never far from the coast. What we want is to live in the countryside/woods but have easy access to the coast for sailing during the summertime. I don't fancy being coastal during the winter months when we would be battered by all the Atlantic winds and storms.

The other part of the dream is to retire to our rural retreat sooner rather than later. My life expectancy isn't as good with my problems and as I get sicker each year time is an important consideration. So long as we are dependent on hubby's job we can't move anywhere better for my health. So we have been looking at how we can generate passive income and reduce our needs enough that the two can allow hubby to retire early.

This is not exactly the start of my journey but somehow it is a new chapter. I've walked away from my old life, accepted that I'll never work again and importantly I've got out of debt from the divorce (as has hubby following his divorce). Instead of fixing past mistakes, I now feel like we can plan for a better future, so it is a new chapter for me.

My own little piece of France

I really do have a wonderful husband. We have a dream of retiring in France and we had an amazing holiday in Normandy last summer. The link is here. I think what really made that holiday was that my parents and one of my brothers came with us. French living really does seem to be all about the family, and the bigger, the better!

Since going out there it has really made our goal of living in France a lot stronger. This year we are going to the south west of France near Carcassonne for 2 weeks. It is a beautiful region and we can't wait to explore. We're staying in a villa in the mountains but only half an hour drive from some of the highest rated beaches on the Mediterranean coast.

While we are waiting for our trip hubby has brought a little of France to our house for me. We can't afford to change our kitchen and it was starting to look rather tired and worn out (a bit like me!) so hubs decided to paint it for me.

This photo shows the before kitchen. This was taken when I had the wall knocked down between the kitchen and dining room. I was in a wheelchair most of 2014 and needed better access in the house. I will be in and out of the wheelchair for the rest of my life but thankfully I'm doing ok at the moment. Due to this we decided to cash in my pension and use the money to adapt the house to some of my needs. So the wall came down and the doorway removed to make a wider space for my chair. We also had a lowered counter top, our breakfast bar put in so I have somewhere to work downstairs and use for things like food prep without having to stand. I'm not sure what Missy is doing in this pic!

This is the motley crew who did the work for me. My bro, Uncle Bob the builder (as Missy calls him, even though he's a carpenter), hubs (love ya) and a friend of ours, who has experience renovating his own houses.

This is my brand new breakfast bar/office! You can see the old units in the background.

This is the dining room side before we painted it cream and put a sofa in there. I like this pic because it all look nice and clean.

All this was done in 2014 then we took a break from house improvements to get married and go on honeymoon.

At the end of 2015 Matt was made redundant from his job of 25 years. It was a big blow to us especially as my ex also went back on his maintenance agreement that we had and it meant that we lost half our household income in a matter of months. We are now living off savings. Thankfully Matt has a new job starting next month but it's on a fraction of his old pay. So obviously we can't afford to change the kitchen any time soon. Matt however discovered chalk paint and decided that he was going to transform our kitchen for me and we were going to have a slice of our French dream.

I think the choice of green paint was great as it contrasts really well with the black counters and floor tiles. And look at the lovely hand painted motifs he's done to add a bit of charm to the kitchen. I guess I'd better get back into cooking again now the kitchen is back together!

I am very lucky to have such a thoughtful and clever hubby. I love my little piece of France and I can look at it from the breakfast bar where I tend to work and admire it each day. Thank you Sweet xx