Media break

I've felt quite chilled this last week. That's actually quite an achievement for me. I'm usually a highly strung person who is always shaking her head at the idiocy she sees all around. But not today.

Today, I woke early and didn't dread the shower (as it wears me out with fibro). I was up and dressed without procrastinating. Downstairs is vacuumed, the laundry is on and coffee is brewing. I'm planning dinner, at least in my head for now. I've got things to get on with today but no timetable for them, which is how I like it.

Going with the flow and watching time pass

We had a wonderful afternoon yesterday around a neighbours place for lunch and drinks, which hubby and our neighbour greatly enjoyed! They both need a drinking partner as neither his wife or I drink. Hubby even got away with only a minor headache this morning, which is impressive given the shots that were going down! Hey, we only live once and it's not a habit for either of them.

Having a highly sensitive nervous system and fibro, I'm more than happy to have a chilled day at home today. I love to socialise but it does take a lot out of me. So pottering about today without a schedule suits me fine.

One of the problems with being what is termed a highly sensitive person or HSP is that I feel everything in a heightened way and don't seem to have filters. I take on the moods and feelings of those around me, even those who I am reading about. I feel their emotions and troubles as if they are my own. It can make socialising very exhausting.

It doesn't stop with face to face contact though. I stopped routinely watching the news about 10 years ago as all it did was make me feel bad. Every piece of news is negative and about suffering. I feel it all and it brings me down. I seem to take on the world's troubles as my own and get overwhelmed.

Social media has become just as bad since it first came about. It used to be a place where I kept in touch with distant friends and family, and shared photos of adventures when I lived abroad and when Missy was new born. It was a relatively friendly place.

Now I see more of the bad side of social media. It's all clickbait and scam articles that circulate repeatedly by those who don't check if they are real before sharing. It's full of things like animal abuse photos, aggressive political views (especially with Brexit going on), religious views being forced onto you, all the ads seem to be trying to sell me a scam cure for whatever illness they think they can profit from. My illnesses all have no cure so seeing this every. single. time I log on is insulting at best, upsetting at worst. There are trolls everywhere and there's a lack of censorship with all the sheep sharing things that enrage them without verifying any of what is said. It's a hostile place, the badlands of the internet.

In short, social media should come with a health warning like cigarettes do. Using social media is bad for your mental health and can cause feelings of despair. How does that sound?

Soo, not the Jones!! Just goofy!

Social media has become the home of the Jones and everyone trying to keep up with the Jones. It's a place for showing off to the world just how good your life is, even if it's not. No one puts the really bad stuff on there. Most don't even put the run of the mill downside to life on there. You see an extremely one-sided view of everyone else's lives. Then you fall into the trap of wondering why your life isn't as perfect as everyone else's.

This is a big worry for the vulnerable in society and our teenagers who are still learning about the world. I'm thankful that so far Missy doesn't want to have anything to do with social media, but I know it will happen at some point. She is also an HSP, so I worry about the effects it will have on her. I also don't know how to parent effectively in this matter. Kids are more savvy with tech than their parents these days. We didn't grow up with it but they did and it's as natural a part of life to them as having a tv is to my generation.

It's not just kids that are vulnerable. I've noticed that over the years I tend to use facebook more during times of stress. It then fuels my stress and makes me feel worse. I'm not even sure why I do this to myself. In the middle of the night when I can't sleep because of pain and everything is quiet I know that somewhere someone will be on facebook. Before I've even thought about it, I'm downstairs with a drink, the intention being not to wake hubby, and facebook is on. It's the only distraction during those long quiet hours.

So I scroll through a few pages. It re-enforces to me that everyone else is leading a happy, healthier life than I am. Then I definitely can't sleep with the pain as I've now added an emotional layer on top of the physical pain that stopped me sleeping in the first place. Yet, I fall victim to this trap time and time again while desperately searching for a distraction.

I like to think that I'm an intelligent person yet I still allow this trap to get me. I wonder if I have an addiction problem. Yet, I don't use social media much when life is on an up so I doubt this. So what is it about this technology and how can we avoid it's negative side? If I keep getting caught in it, how can I help Missy when she starts to use it? What a mess!

Last year, I stopped using all social media for 3 months. I didn't ban myself from it for a set amount of time. I just thought I needed a break so I stopped using it. And you know what? I felt better in myself and more confident. I stopped feeling like I needed to justify my existence all the time. I was able to say no to people without needing to offer an explanation. It was liberating and totally unexpected.

After about 3 months I went back onto facebook as it's a convenient way to keep in touch with friends who live abroad. It's the reason I joined in the first place. Then it slowly went downhill again.

There are some *friends* who do nothing but complain. I know everyone needs a shoulder at times and I'm usually the first to offer (it's an HSP trait). But after a while (nearly 10 years in one case) it becomes obvious that some of these people are not willing to help themselves and simply must enjoy being miserable.

Those who I didn't know very well were unfriended and my newsfeed became a bit more friendly. I went though all my friends list and reduced it dramatically. I have culled most of the pages that I follow (or others have followed for me!) and I have blocked aggressive pages and groups.

For a while all was good. Then facebook started targeting poor-ole-me-with-too-few-friends with loads of suggestions and clickbait adverts. Facepalm! I wanted a small group of quality connections. I'm not interested in a large number of *friends* who would never make the cut in real life. Yet this seems to be forced on us now in a bid to further attract paid (unvetted) ads. The more connections we all have, the more effectively ads can be spread around. It's all about money and greed. Very little about friendship now. What started out as a friendly place had become corrupted.

A couple of weeks ago I was going to deactivate and delete my account to prevent further temptation. I debated this for months beforehand and sadly decided against it. I use Messenger on my phone to keep in touch my friends overseas and we use video calls on wifi as the cost to phone is high. I don't know if I can still use messenger without having a facebook account and I don't want to switch to another app that is covered in adverts.

I did the next best thing I could think of. I've deleted the app from all my devices. I don't have such quick access to facebook now. If I want to use it I have to go and turn on the laptop (in another room) and load it through chrome. It's still quite easy to do but I don't have the habit of using social media on my laptop so it's easier to forget about.

It's been about 3 weeks since I've deleted the apps and I have only logged in once (as I couldn't see a link I was sent in messenger). I was very good and didn't scroll down the page. I did feel uncomfortable though with it there. Honestly, I have more will power avoiding gluten containing foods that I absolutely will not eat knowingly. I'm not weak willed, yet facebook is devious.

This week has been the Easter holidays so Missy has been off school and Hubby has been around more too. Usually, this stresses me if I don't get enough quiet time but this week it hasn't bothered me. In fact, I've wanted to socialise more than usual.

I'm going with the flow! What?

I've felt lighter and more my own person. I haven't justified my existence or given reasons for shortcomings. I've gone with the flow a lot more. I've also found a lot more time for reading and writing without these worries and doubts floating around. I feel happier. I am more accepting of myself. I have limitations that others don't have and am no longer feeling the need to punish myself for things beyond my control. I've stopped comparing myself to these rose tinted versions of everyone else's lives. Even though the logical part of me knows that they all have crap in their lives as well that they don't share, the subconscious part of me doesn't seem to recognise it. The subliminal messages are still there telling me that I'm not good enough. So I've cut them off at the source.

Maybe, I don't actually need to live as a hermit, but simply live in real life and leave the digital well alone. Additionally, I don't watch much news on tv as there's little I can do about any of it. In fact, I watch very little live tv at all so I don't see many adverts either that tell me I'm inadequate.

I know that there have been many studies done on the effect of all these things in our lives, especially on children. It is down to the government to put in place better laws to improve these things but that's unlikely to happen. We live in a world of greed where anyone is a target for advertising in order to make money.

The only control I have is in my own life and household. We talk openly about these dangers and I have discussed adverts with Missy since she was young so that she can see that they are preying on people to sell you things you mostly don't need.

It's a work in progress. Life always is. For example, this second I've received an email from BUPA trying to sell me medical insurance that they actually can't give me anyway! Oh the timing!!

I know everyone looks back on simpler times through rose tinted glasses but I firmly believe that life was simpler before the digital age. Communities were actual people down the road instead of in the digital fog. We talked to each other then. It was far more healthy.

I do love lots about the internet. The access to knowledge that I only dreamed of as a child, in particular. eBooks are my favourite invention! I realise now that we need to be very selective in what we allow into our lives. For now I'm back on a social media blackout. I don't know if it will stick this time but I'm happy to have a break from it.

Every community needs a goat!