Can I give up Christmas?

Isn't that a big question!

This is something that has bothered me for many years. Well, not specifically from a Save the World point of view until recent years, but it has bothered me by how wasteful Christmas is these days, both financially as well as in resources.

Let me start by saying that we are not Christians in this house. I was brought up Catholic but left the faith in my childhood. As a result, I have been brought up to celebrate Christmas, just like most people in the UK (Christian or not), and it is part of our culture. What it does mean is that we (and many in the UK) do not celebrate Christmas for the right reasons.

For decades I've wanted to stop celebrating Christmas as I feel like a hypocrite but that is not easy when it is so completely ingrained into society, especially our families. I feel trapped into Christmas through peer pressure. I know I'm not a spotty teenager any more but peer pressure is still very much in society even as we get older and should know better.

I honestly think that my family would be accepting (maybe not so much understanding) but this will definitely not fly with my in laws. The (annual) fights and emotional blackmail over Christmas have already started in that quarter!

I'm faced with this dilemma every year and still haven't found the right balance.

If it was exactly what I wanted it would be simple. Our household celebrates Yule on the 21st December. It is all about our little family. We have a luxury (for us) meal together and we each receive a book (pinched from the Icelandic Christmas Eve tradition) that we can snuggle up with in the evening with our fire on and a box of chocolates to share while we read together.

Our family is forming our own celebration based on our values. Yule makes sense to our beliefs and values. It is the longest night of the year and the next day we welcome the new solar year as the sun and longer days return to us.

Missy made a gluten free Yule log last year. I love it.

We draw a wheel (representing the last year) and we take it in turns to draw something that we are grateful for  around the circumference. I always feature books and last year one of mine was my Kindle (aka, my Precious!). This is a simple thing to do that makes us stop and think about what we already have in life and are thankful for. Incidentally, I love my Kindle so much that I cried when my last one broke after 7 years!

Last year we also wrote a letter to ourselves that we will read back this year to reflect on and hopefully see how far we've come in the last year. Then we will write a new one to ourselves for next year. This is our equivalent to New Year's resolutions in a way, but we celebrate the new Solar Year. We are moving back towards Pagan ways as they make a lot more sense to us.

As a family, we don't follow a religion. Instead, we have based our values around Mother Earth. We have been trying to become more and more sustainable each year as we wish to protect the Earth that we depend on. We all feel a connection to this Earth that sadly Hubby and I lost for many years while we were brainwashed into the rat race and the consumerism trap.

Through our daughter, who stills sees the Earth as a wonderful living being, we have woken up again. I have been sleepwalking through life for too many years. It took the wonder in my daughter's eyes to make me stop and look more closely again. I will always be grateful to her for that.

This brings me back to our dilemma. So far we do still celebrate Christmas as well because of peer pressure. We do exchange gifts on Christmas day but we are keeping things far more simple. We don't spend a fortune and we are perfectly happy (happier even) if something is found second hand (and saved from landfill).

The gifts we do buy for each other are well thought out and are things that we really, really want (but don't necessarily need). Missy will happily wait for birthdays and Christmas for something she's been eagerly waiting for. For instance, her phone died months ago and she waited until this month for her birthday. She made do with a broken, half working phone for about 3 months, which I'm very proud of her for. She asked for money from everyone this year to go towards her new phone and she's said that she's even more thrilled with it because she's had to wait and now really appreciates one that doesn't keep letting her down. I will also show her how to sell her old phone online for parts so that she also gets something back and avoids sending her phone to landfill.

About to start our Yule dinner

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem at all with buying (new or second hand) gifts when someone needs something or genuinely wants it and will use it. What I do hate is the duty to spend on things that are not needed or often wanted just because it's Christmas. It's a waste of resources to make that product, a waste of hard earned money, and often ends up in landfill (or a charity shop then landfill) soon after. It makes me shudder to think about it.

This feeling isn't new, it's been with me for a long time. I just didn't have the words to articulate how I felt for a long time. Something felt very wrong with Christmas. As a child we went to mass and celebrated the birth of Christ. Ok, I don't follow it now but I can respect that others do and that's the true meaning of CHRISTmas. All the commercialism to make money for profit that occurs is wrong to me. This is why Yule resonates so much better for me. We only gift one book each and the day is about celebrating what we already have, as well as looking forward to what we want to change in the coming year.

Yes, Christmas is a time for giving but we've got it all wrong. We need to give our time to connect with those who are around us. Give to those who need a little help. Charities are good if you don't know anyone in person who genuinely needs some help. It could be something as simple as inviting a friend or family member who lives alone to eat Christmas dinner with you. You are giving the gift of company. As someone who is largely housebound, the gift of company would be the best gift ever.

What I want to say is that giving doesn't need to involve money at all. In fact, using money is the easy way out and doesn't usually give what that person truly needs.

In the UK most people have enough money already. And I do mean enough for basic needs, not wants. We are a wealthy nation when compared to many others. Most people can buy their own material gifts whenever they want them (to a point).

What we are lacking is a sense of community. Isolation and loneliness are ever increasing and are in the news all the time these days. I know first hand. Depression is a big problem for many, especially in the darker months. Giving someone a novelty plastic gift doesn't do anything for the fundamental need for community and togetherness. It doesn't nurture the soul.

We keep our Yule decorations simple

Right now I feel trapped between my values and peer pressure. I still don't know how to address this as fundamentally I am a people pleaser and want to keep the peace. I think this Christmas is going to be a tough one. One family member has been banned from our house as they refuse to stop wearing perfumes around me and make me exceptionally sick. This is going to be the first Christmas when they are not allowed to come here and I can't go near them either. I end up in hospital! I really don't know how to deal with this. I'm not even sure why I feel so bad to be honest as this person has had everything explained to them countless times and continued to make me sick for a long time before I said enough.

I really want to give up Christmas and carry on with Yule. It's not easy to go against the grain though and my immediate family have to be on board too. That's a lot to ask. Missy isn't bothered about Christmas (oddly for a child) but Hubby is stuck between us and his extended family. It's hard for him.

Last year we really downplayed Christmas and kept it simple. We still saw everyone and exchanged gifts but our little household had already celebrated on Yule, which was fantastic. Christmas felt like the little brother in comparison. I expect this year will go a similar way, except that I can't see Hubby's family.

I'd love to know if others feel the same as I do and if anyone has any tips on how to get the balance better. I don't like upsetting people but I also don't like being the one who's upset. I think Hubby and I need to have another chat about this. I really hope he's got some ideas.

It's so hard to even give stuff away in the UK!

Since the New Year, hubby and I have started to declutter slowly. I always feel like we're drowning in stuff or 'stufficating', as I accidentally said the other day! It's even worse after the festive period, although we did calm it down somewhat this year compared with years past.

Still, we have accumulated a lot of 'stuff' in the last 10 years and I am sick of trying to find more storage. The answer was obvious all the time, just don't have so much 'stuff'!

Somehow, we've fallen into the consumerist trap of feeling we need 'stuff'. I know from experience how liberating it was when I sold almost everything I owned 13 years ago and moved to California (from the UK) with just two suitcases.

My tiny human, made in the USA!

The year I lived abroad, I only bought what I thought I needed. Looking back, even then I could have bought less, despite having my daughter while living in CA. We didn't buy a lot of 'stuff' for her as we were in a small apartment and didn't know if we were going to stay. We didn't. After a year we came home with a new tiny human in tow.

Oddly though, when I costed the price of moving our minimal furniture and possessions back to the UK it turned out cheaper to pay $1000 (roughly) to have it all shipped than it would have cost to buy these things again when we got home. I loved the lower cost of living in CA. It made me see just how expensive the UK is.

A decade later, I'm back to being overrun with 'stuff'. I fell back into the trap of consumerism, even though I thought I knew better. Granted, some of our furniture is secondhand but I still wonder if it was an actual need when we bought it.

Over the last 6 weeks, hubby and I have been tackling one area of clutter that bugs us at a time. We warmed up by sorting out our bookcases, CDs and DVDs. About half the books were put aside for charity. Missy doesn't read the babyish books any more and we had some that we didn't expect to ever read again. Most of the DVDs went as we don't watch them very often. Just the favourites were kept for when our internet (frequently) goes down. So into the charity box they went.

Encouraged by our progress (and the neatness of our bookshelves) we tackled the sideboard cupboard. I'm sure that stuff hadn't seen daylight in nearly a decade! Most went into the bin or charity boxes. We were on a roll. We tackled the kitchen cupboards, larder, even my office has been started. Then we needed to take the boxes to charity and things stalled.

First of all, I have to do things in little steps so Marie Kondo-ing our 'stuff' isn't feasible. But also, we were storing loads of boxes and bags downstairs waiting to go to charity after the rubbish was taken to the tip.

After the snow cleared (as that was our original time allotted for this task), we hubby loaded up the car and off we went to deliver our still very good condition 'stuff' to charity.

My preferred charity shop, The Shaw Trust, as they helped me try to get back to work years ago, wasn't taking any donations as they were full. The second, The British Heart Foundation (who funded my PhD) took some of the boxes. I'm glad we checked before hubby carried them to the shop as parking is a bitch and they didn't want everything. We ended up just picking a random third charity shop (with no personal attachment) nearby just to get rid of the last few boxes.

No way is this going to the tip!

I couldn't believe how long it took to donate good 'stuff'. These shops are overloaded with good quality items but can't seem to shift them. I really thought that the charity shop stigma in the UK was dying but maybe I'm wrong. I've had the same problem trying to sell things online for next to nothing, like a great violin that Missy has outgrown (she now has a full size one). I can't even give things away! I still have the violin as I'm not taking a really good instrument to the tip! I'm sure I'll find a little boy or girl who would love to learn someday.

Here lies my problem. I can't in good faith throw away really good items but I struggle to give things away as well as no one seems to want secondhand. Our local Freecycle page doesn't have much on there either. I'm pretty sure there is a LOT of money's worth of unused 'stuff' in everyone's attics and garages, or maybe I should be looking for gems at the local tip if others just throw it away. Who knows? I obviously live in an area where people have to have brand new and look down on charity finds. It's so sad. I've found some great things in charity shops and some of Missy's favourite clothes are charity shop chic.

I've moaned about this a lot to my poor hubby. We agree that the answer is for us to simply stop buying. We are not saving this planet by spending more on crap we don't need and then can't rehome later. Consumerism is my pet hate these days. Missy is an eco-warrior so she's more than happy to go this route. As for hubby and I, think of the money we will save!

Back 9 years ago when my last marriage broke down, I had to rely on charity shops for things we needed. Missy had lots of clothes from there, not to mention her beloved books and toys. I also replaced broken furniture with secondhand. I still use most of it today and am more than happy with it. I do hope that people catch on, especially in an area that is known for poverty and is in fact, one of the highest poverty areas in Europe!

So please folks, don't look for the cheapest deals, just stop buying 'stuff'! 

If you NEED something, then look for secondhand or deals first. 

We can save money and save the planet one secondhand item at a time. Missy and her generation would be very grateful.

*Steps down from soapbox!*